Maybe I’m just Tired.

Can we talk about how exhausting it is to do better.

How lonely it is to be a bit different.

How much easier it would be to fall into old patterns,

And settle for a life like the life you came from.

Sometimes I feel this rage in my bones.

Because I don’t know why I keep trying…

It’s like I see the big picture.

But what if I do all of this -

Try this hard.

Slay every dragon.

Stand firm in my devotion to pave another path.

And it doesn’t make a difference…

Like what if I am missing the good stuff

For a belief in something that might not actually matter

Sometimes I want to scream at the sky…

“Fuck you” I’ve done it.

I’ve done it all and I’m no further than when I started.

Don’t you see the sweat on my brow,

The blood on my hands from crawling and clawing…

Life just keeps getting harder.

And if the biggest battles and lessons -

Are given to the hearts and the shoulders of those who can carry them…

Then I must admit some days I'd like to trade them in -

For the heart I had before I could hear my purpose in every beat and a back that can’t bear the weight of this world.

What if it is all for nothing.

There's this tug in my chest that won’t let me give up…

A knowing that vibrates every cell in my body,

And a determination that pushes this old soul to keep going…

Maybe I’m just tired… yea, maybe I’m just tired.