Flight for life.

“911 What’s your emergency” a voice blared from the other side of the phone.

“Hi. He’s dying. He’s dying and I am driving. My name is ***** I’m not stopping this car. Put a squad in front of and behind me but I will not stop this car.”

She asked a few more questions and I shared the route I was taking to the hospital. The dispatcher tried educating me on safety. There was no logic to grapple with at that moment.

Her safety tutorial was cut off as I said “I know. I’m a nurse. My Dad is coding. I am not stopping this car. Tell your officers.”

I shared the intersections I was blowing through narrating it as I went. The 10-minute drive took about three minutes. When I pulled up multiple police cars were parked in front of the emergency department. Since I had called dispatch, I figured they were for me. Don’t worry they were not going to stop me either. After throwing the car in park in the middle of the lane an officer looked over at me and I told them to park the car. They were confused and hesitated. There was no time for them to be dumbfounded. I jumped back in the car, parked it and headed into the ER entrance. Unknown to me there had been a shooting, hence the chaos and police presence. My brain did not comprehend any of this at that moment. How could it. The ER staff would not let us in. No visitors allowed during a pandemic. Without thinking I went back out that door and headed through the door of the conjoined building. A man tried to stop my mother and I, he was only doing his job, but I was not stopping. He smugly refused to tell me how to get to where I was going after I shared the name and room number. He was radioing whatever breach in security that was being violated as I said “Fuck you. I don’t need your directions” while securing the mask on my face and demanding my mother put one on and walk faster. There was no back hall or secret door I did not know about after working there for over a decade. My feet probably didn’t even touch the ground because I was moving so fast. Through the corridor and back into the cardiac tower we turned the corner as flight for life got off the staff elevators. My eyes scanned them, the empty gurney, and them again. The flight crew came after I gave permission for Dad to be flighted to a higher level of care. They were leaving. Leaving with an empty gurney. The elevator dinged as we hit the 3rd floor.

“Hi. I’m *****. I’m *****and that’s my… that’s for me… room 314… I don’t I don’t know what to do.”

Holding both of my hands up in front of me, maybe to show I wasn’t a threat, maybe because I couldn’t figure out what to do with them or where to put them. A woman I never met took me by my hands as my mother followed. We turned down the hall. A dozen or more people stood outside of his room. They responded to the medical emergency like I had done alongside them so many times. They fell silent when they realized who I was, and I fell to my knees.

Photo Credit: Sherisavino. "Above me. Black and White."