Days Like These

I still wake up some days and feel like someone just engaged the emergency break.

The presence of your physical absence takes up so much space on these days that it is hard to notice anything else.

It's that feeling when the pit of your stomach drops and your heart flops almost rhythmically like synchronized swimmers.

The fog is so think and dense that finding the snooze button on my alarm clock is comparable to wading through half set cement.

Somehow, I put my feet on the floor, despite grappling with the reality of living this life I never wanted but am conflictingly grateful to lead.

On days like this, there is no mental run-through of the events ahead and tasks to complete. It’s infinitely harder and much simpler than that.

When it feels like this, everything is at a stand still - full stop - inhale, then exhale. All of me is reserved just to remember how to breathe.

I stand up, and everything moves so fast and not at all, all at once.

I miss you so loud in the silence on days like these.